Farts, B.O. and Massage Therapy

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I’m on a mission to make getting a massage easy and comfortable. Today we’re going to tackle the topics that make people self-conscious and even prevent them from relaxing during their massage.

If you’re already my client, we’ve probably already talked about this stuff. For those of you who haven’t had the pleasure of discussing farts with your massage therapist, I’ve compiled a list of the most anxiety-provoking things that come up during a massage.

Body Hair

Guess what, gals: none of my male clients shave their legs/pits/back before coming in. I don’t care. It doesn't affect my ability to treat you. Frankly, I’m so focused on your muscles that your body hair doesn’t really occur to me.


Many of my long-locked ladies get worried when they realize their hair is/isn’t in a ponytail! “Sorry, Crystal! I should have put my hair in a ponytail.” Or, “Sorry, Crystal, I should have taken out my pony tail.” If your pony (or lack of pony) is in the way, I’ll let you know. I don’t care about your ponytail.

Body Odor

Here’s the deal: even clean-people who shower every day have funky armpits after they’ve been at work/stuck in traffic/chasing kids. It’s OK, I don’t care.



Admittedly, I do have a “fart fear.” I’m afraid you’ll fall asleep, let one rip and wake up thinking it was me.

As long as we both know who dealt it, I don't care about farts.

Body Type

Newsflash: I can tell you’re tall/short/fat/skinny/muscular/saggy BEFORE you get on the table. I don’t care. Everyone’s muscles and bones are in the same place.

Your Feet

Everyone’s feet are weird and unless I see you on pedicure day, everyone’s toenail polish is chipped. I don’t care.

Did I cover everything? Is there something I missed? Let me know!

In the meantime, skip shaving, eat some beans and book a massage.

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